Star up them Wars! Obadi Wun Kalookus says we’re in for it in 2012.

 

He recalls, “George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it. “He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry…’

George Lucas genuinely believes the world will end in 2012.

For which MSNBC has published 10 essentials for surviving Doomsday 2012

I’ve checked out the list, looked at our budget, refinanced the house, sold off our giant cat for cash and come up with the following preparations:

1. A concealed bed safe to store the $76.37 left after buying the 2012 stuff. It will also hold weapons, such as my bb-gun, my ceremonial sword, staple gun, etc. plus sentimental family items. Check it out.

Concealed Bed Safes Total hidden protection for firearms and other valuables is a reality, using this 1300 lb secure 78”x 60”x 14” (queen size) 10 gauge steel strongbox fitted with ¼” thick steel 140 lb. hinged doors. BedBunker Safes are available for any size bed. King and Queen size beds can be fit with a single safe with two adjoining storage supports on either side for complete concealment from all angles. Bedbunker safes are approved by the California department of justice for storage of firearms and are guaranteed for life!

2. Blast Boxers – Helps prevent blast and fragment injuries to the groin. Keep them family jewels and related hardware safe.

• perineal protection
• comfortable
• anti-odour material

3. Giant Swiss Army Knife

A good knife and a nice set of tools are what a survivor can really use when faced with the collapse of civilization, which is why you'll want this oversized Wenger Swiss Army knife. It holds the Guinness record for most multifunctional pen-knife, thanks to its 87-tool capacity. Seriously, if MacGyver was the last man standing, he could use this to build a rocketship to Earth-like planets in other solar systems.

4. Bio Lite camp stove

You are going to need a way to cook your meals without modern appliances. This BioLite stove not only uses wood for fuel, it also has the added benefit of a thermoelectric generator that will turn the heat from the flame into electricity that can be transferred to your portable gadgets via a USB port. That's perfect for small radios, GPS units or the iPod you filled with songs from Glee, just before you realized that it would be the only music you would listen to for the rest of your life.

5.  Tactical Bacon

Now that you have a means of cooking your food quickly, you are going to need to stock up on non-perishable food items like this "tactical" canned bacon. It lasts for 10 years in the can and holds up to 18 servings. Let's face it, if most of us were given a choice to bring just one type of food along into the post-apocalyptic living hell that will be Earth, bacon would probably be it.

6. MusucBag Wearable Sleeping Bag

Needless to say, a wearable sleeping bag might come in handy on those cold nights spent huddled in a bomb shelter or boarded up in an abandoned house on the outskirts of town. It keeps you warm and mobile — and it's thick enough to put a little distance between your flesh and the infectious bite of a zombie

7.  Soular Powers Backpack

Obviously, a bag of some sort will come in handy while wandering the barren landscape looking for a community of survivors willing to take you in. The Soular Powers line of backpacks is a little more practical than most because it uses a solar panel to collect energy that can be transferred to your portable gadgets. Of course, it won't be of much use in a nuclear winter scenario that blots out the sun.

8.  Lifesaver Jerrycan

Access to potable water is going to be the single most important factor in your ability to survive. The Lifesaver jerrycan can hold 5 gallons of water after treating it with a filtration system that removes bacteria,viruses, cysts, parasites, fungi and other pathogens — and it can process more than 5,000 gallons of water during its lifecycle. There's even a handheld bottle version for added portability. Just steer clear of any green water that's glowing. I'm not sure if the Lifesaver is equipped to handle nuclear waste.

9.  Gorilla Torch Blade

A flashlight is another one of those indispensable tools that no survivor can do without. However, the GorillaTorch Blade goes above and beyond traditional flashlights thanks to bendable, wrapable legs with magnetic feet that allow you to get hands-free light where you need it most. Plus it can be recharged via USB (something you can handle thanks to your BioLite stove and Soular Powers backpack). Hands-free is always good — especially since you'll need both arms to fight off mutants and zombies.

10.  Knight XV Armored SUV

I can’t buy this one … will have to obtain via other means

Anyone who has seen the Mad Max series knows that you are going to need a capable vehicle to survive in an inhospitable wasteland. The Knight XV is certainly more capable than most in this scenario with features like a 6.8-liter, bio-fuel powered, 400-horsepower V-10 engine, a fully armored exterior and undercarriage, ballistic glass, built-in oxygen survival kit and an onboard black box system. Plus, the interior is more plush than most high-end luxury cars — just because it's the end of civilization doesn't mean you can't be civilized. Of course, it probably doesn't do very well on fuel economy, so if gasoline is hard to come by, it may just end up being a bomb shelter.

 

There you have it. But …if Roland Emmerich, who made the 2012 blockbuster fillm has any prognosticatability, we’ll all be wet toast under water, burnt toast by fire or lost-in-space toast.

Do we really need to be dragging all this stuff around post-apocalyptically? 

Especially in a $400,000 SUV we would have to steal since nobody will sell me one based on my not-so-massive retirement income?